had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
