Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
They took my balls.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
