dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
