Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
