Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
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Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
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The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
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