We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
