Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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