Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
