You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
