if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
