Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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