Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Randomize
