The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
