I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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