i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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