How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
