I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
