I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
