The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
The beer is more important than you right now.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
