Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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