He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
