I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
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