I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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