Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
