why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
