i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
The air taste purple.
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