He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
