i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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