dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
BRING THE BAGELS
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
