The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
