Im at strip club and am horny
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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