On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
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