What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
