i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
