dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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