I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize