When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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