he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
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