i barfeds in our rink
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
