I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
why do cheetos always look like penises
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
COCAINE IS GR8
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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