If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
