Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
