Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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