I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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