I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Me. At least after what I've been through.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
i've created a new STD.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Randomize
