i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Randomize
