I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
