Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
