i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I woke up under a house in Key West
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