Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
My vagina just recognized that song.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
