i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
