oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
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