remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
