right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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