This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Randomize
