i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
