We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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