Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
