If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
