im about as happy as oj after his trial
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
