it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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