with your own penis?
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Randomize
