Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Randomize
