Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
