Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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