debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
