I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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