I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Don't tell me you're on acid again
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
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