What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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