pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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