Say something about gay babies.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
