community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
